No offense, but that's a defense!
By Dr. Omer Liran | Published March 31st, 2010, 10:01 PM
The irony of the fact that I say it from the standpoint of an optimist is not lost on me. I certainly see joy, beauty, majesty, possibility in life in ample measure, and perhaps naively cling to the belief that everything will work out well for us and the world, but still find myself pondering every day that there is so much fodder for grief and sorrow and anxiety in the world, so much in the world that is hard to face.
How does the human psyche deal with all this sorrow, this emotional discomfort that it has to grapple with?
Freud developed a model of the psyche called the structural model, which holds that there are three aspects to it: the id, the ego and the superego. The id is driven by the pleasure principle: it is the part of the mind that instinctively wants, seeks, lusts for gratifying phenomena. The superego is the embodiment of the conscience; it serves as the controller, the voice of reason. The ego is the link between the two, and it reconciles the lust of the id with the restraint of the superego. The ego erects defense mechanisms to protect the psyche from uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety and guilt.
My aim here is not to introduce you to Freudian theory- and certainly, the contemporary world has acknowledged that some of his conjectures are outmoded. It is to introduce you to the concept of a defense, which is a very useful tool to understand behavior.
At any given moment, if you look around yourself, there is something around you that you don’t like. Something around you that you would like to change, that is unchangeable without a major effort, or perhaps not even then. What do you do?
Most of us find it hard to face reality – and defenses are our armor against an unpredictable, often hostile world.
Denial, for instance, is a very common defense. It is the metaphorical equivalent of saying NO in the face of reality. This cannot be. This is not. NO.NO.Denial is the first stage of grieving: hearing that a loved one is no more and being unwilling to believe it. Denial is ubiquitous in substance abuse disorders: I DO NOT have a drinking problem. I am NOT dependent on cocaine. Denial is telling yourself that things are okay, when your world is collapsing around you.
Denial can be as protective as it is harmful. Imagine the perils of walking through an apocalypse, convinced that things are fine!! How empowering it is though, how protective to the psyche, to be able to ward off those feelings of doom, to be able to retain a semblance of sanity in the midst of chaos!
Which brings us to a key concept – not all defenses are intrinsically flawed or bad. There are the so called “mature” or healthy defenses that in fact foster healthy adjustment, buttress the ego, and improve the person’s functioning in the world, as opposed to denial , which is an "immature " or primitive defense.
The defense of the artist, for instance, is sublimation… “sublimating” pain and grief and sorrow into art, literature, or music. Sublimation is what gives the world its culture, its art, the haunting beauty of song, the poignancy of literature, the majesty of art. Reams can be written about the link between artistry and tragedy or psychic pain, and there are millions who have suffered and created from their suffering.
In a capricious, unpredictable world, defenses are our means of holding on to a certain emotional equilibrium. It is the cost of maintaining that equilibrium- and the risk of doing so and blinding oneself to escalating crises – that self-awareness aided by therapy can help one understand.
A defense can help one cope better with the hell that reality can sometimes be – but beware of the fool’s paradise that it can alternatively create!
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